Three words. Sir Tuesday Peregrine-Archer. As I waited back stage at the Venetian, I realised I hadn’t been this nervous since Mel Gibson called to my home to critique my review of Apocalypto. Nothing I’d read about Sir Peregrine Archer’s meteoric rise, from minor member of Dublin’s first family of journalism to international superstar, could have prepared me for this moment. His one man show ‘Gandhi, the Brooklyn Cabby Years’ has traveled from the Edinburgh festival to London’s West End, Broadway, to it’s current home as a top selling Vegas attraction; proving that far from being a untalented, sanctimonious, one trick non entity, Sir Peregrine-Archer is amongst the great comedic visionaries at work today. With his rapier wit and distinct, effeminate lisp, Peregrine-Archer has become a latter day Coward, the boast and terror of the highest echelons of London, Tokyo, and New York society. Rarely seen without his once shabby, now ultra fashionable, nouveau boheme fleece and fox fur ushanka, and always sweetened by the latest in a string of dizzying arm candies, Sir Peregrine-Archer cuts an elegant yet iconoclastic figure.

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Wild eyed publicity whore Bobby Sands has declared his intention to release a new diet book based on his wildly successful weight loss program. Since he took up the scheme it has become very popular in his work place, with colleagues literally keeling over themselves to join the plan.

Indeed the weight has been falling off Sands, and although his latest fashion and interior design tips are perhaps not going to be making a splash on the high streets, fashionistas are already talking his Milan show to be highlight of this years calender.

When asked whether his new role as life guru to Rene Zellweger, amongst other higher profile celebrities, was inspired by some political goal he said, “Absolutely not, politics isn’t sexy!”

Bobby Sands new book, ‘One Day in My Life’ is available in all good nutritionists.